Saturday, September 29, 2012

13. how you feel about your body

so i know i haven't done this in a while (i'll try to get back into it more consistently), and it's partly because life has become crazy with school and partly because this post in particular is really hard for me to write. there are certain aspects of my body that i love, and certain aspects that i hate.

like i love my eyes. they are my favorite part of my body. i love playing with my makeup and finding way to make them stand out more. i know people say that glasses tend to hide your eyes, but i love wearing my glasses. i've been wearing them way more lately, and thankfully people tell me they look cute. (yesterday my coworker said they made me look like harry potter, but in a good way.) i also love my hair. i killed it last summer (i went blonde for a bit) and it's taken forever for it to get healthy again. now it looks good, and feels good, and is growing out again! you have no idea how big a deal this is for me. for the most part i also like my legs. i'm a legs person, so i try to keep them in good shape (along with the rest of my body but that's another story). i don't get how people can have these huge upper bodies but have chicken legs. growing up my dad called me chicken legs, cuz they were really skinny, so now i work on legs all the time.

but i hate the stretch marks that cover the insides of my thighs. this is the first time i've just straight up told the internet about them. my close friends know i have them and know how horribly uncomfortable and self conscious they make me. and it's taking a lot of control to not just delete all of that. i also have my moments when i don't like the size of my stomach. i know it's bigger than it should be, and it's been a big struggle for me my entire life. i try so hard to get rid of it or shrink it, but it doesn't seem to work. i at least am pretty good at not going to food when i am uncomfortable, and watching what i eat. i also hate my acne. i look like a prepubescent girl when i don't take my meds for it. but since it's mostly a hormonal thing, there's not much i can do about it.

for the most part i'm fairly comfortable about my body, except for a few things here and there. i'm trying to take care of my body and keep it healthy. theres still a lot i need to do to get to a good place, and i'm working to get there. i know there are days that i struggle horribly with it, and i'm thankful that on days like that i can always talk to felicia about it.

Thursday, September 20, 2012


small groups started back up this week. so exciting! i love my group, and the kids i babysit for the other group are pretty awesome also. it's great to get back into the groove of groups.

my women's group is such a huge blessing to me. it's great to get together in the middle of the week and hang out with a great group of girls around my age. it's ironic that most of them are teachers, and two of us work with kids through nanny-ing or daycare, so needless to say there are some great kid stories to go around haha. i've been in this group for a while, and it's been such a great blessing to me. i am so encouraged by these great ladies and feel like i can truly talk to them about anything.

my babysitting group grew a lot this session. we had like 10 kids, ranging from like 6 months to 4 years. most of the kids in the middle are around the same age, and they seem to be at the separation anxiety phase. but it's still a good group. my favorite quote from these week was when one of the 4 year olds asked "why are there so many babies here"i said "because all of your mommies decided to have babies at the same time" then one of my favorite kids goes "and daddies!" can't forget that daddies are part of the process too. it cracked me up. hopefully next week is a bit less full of tears.

Monday, September 17, 2012

update and photo dump.

i've been horrible at keeping up with this lately, and i truly am sorry for that. but school is slowly sucking the life out of me. all i have been reading the past two weeks is a&p and human relations. granted it's informative, and stuff i need to know, but goodness gracious it's ridiculous! i made time to read my for fun book last night, but that didn't even start til 1 am. and only lasted like 20 mins. i'm trying so hard to find time to read anything other than my school books. at least so far i am keeping good grades in both classes, but i still have a long ways to go before the term is over.

so small group starts again this week and i am sooooo excited for it. it feels like it's been forever since i've seen the girls in my group. i definitely need to get back into it. i'm also babysitting for a friends small group, and i'm excited to see all the kids again and meet the new ones. i think this session there are like 10 or 11 kids. i will have another girl with me babysitting, so at least it shouldn't be super crazy. but i'm so ready to get back into a groove with my groups.

speaking of kiddos, this month i've been picking up a few shifts back in child watch at work. it's great to see my kids again, but nice to only be there like once a week. one of my kids saw me at the front desk one day, and told his mom i wasn't allowed to be up there and that i had to be in child watch. it made me feel good that he remembers me and still likes me. one day he even asked specifically to play with me. he's such a sweetheart and i adore him. he has gotta way more well behaved than when he was younger. i think both his brothers being in school helps. and he's so sweet with his baby sister. he claims our tunnels are her castle and she's the princess. love this sweet boy and his family.

now time for a photo dump =]

in case you don't know already...i really love my little cece. the brother let her in on a rainy day, and she just slept. 

my daisies are making a huge comeback from this super hot and dry summer. makes me super happy since they are my favorite of my flowers. all my other flowers are making a comeback too. 
my mom practicing piano before an event at my old church. i wish i was as good as her. gotta start playing again. 

flag at half mast on 9/11. 

awesome sunset on friday night when i was hanging out with grace. 

original picture of the sunset. i love sunsets

love me some fruit. strawberries, blueberries, and cool whip

so sweet that my best friends fiance said i was his favorite =]  he was a sport when we went bridesmaid dress shopping last sunday. love them both so much.

my neighbors cat leo, who cece apparently hates. 

showing my mom pandora on the ipad. she was enjoying it. 

i made croutons for the first time. this will save me lots of money and then i can make them as garlicky as i want. (i love garlic)

so at lenscrafters they have this machine that measures your pupil distance, and you look funny when they do it. but dad was all business about it while i was laughing at him. don't tell him i put this on here.
love my best friend for sending me this, after i had lost all my pics. 

oh and i decided to make some buttons for this blog. not sure if i will start sponsoring others or not, but it was a fun little project. please let me know what you think of them. (i know the first one might be nasty to some people, but it fits well)

not so sure if i like this one or not. 

Monday, September 10, 2012


this week has been kinda crazy busy. i started classes tuesday. i'm taking two online classes, and it's harder than i thought it would be. dont get me wrong, i knew it wasn't going to be easy, but i've been getting better at the self discipline it takes to sit down and read and do online tests and not mess around on facebook or get sucked into whatever tv show is on for background noise (i can't do total silence) i'm half sucked into the voice right now. i love this show. i wish i was good enough to get on it. my best friend tried out for this season in march and didn't make it, but i am still so proud of her for even going out there and trying out.

also tuesday i officially started going over the binder to be service coordinator for kids city at church. so excited to start this journey, and even got such a sweet email from our pastor's wife about how i did sunday. i'm excited to see where this takes me. we have a great kids city director and i'm so glad that she has given me this opportunity.

wednesday i was able to work "big girl" hours at work. i was exhausted by the end of it, but it was nice to work a full day. i wish i could do it more often haha. i'm still trying to find a new job, but with how gracious the Y has been about letting me get reading done at work, i'm not fully ready to let go of it. plus i love my coworkers and bosses.

saturday was crazy busy for me. i watched kiddos at leadership for church in the morning. (next month i get to be with the kids city team during leadership) and then went almost straight to work for the afternoon/evening. i was kind of sad i didn't work kids night out also, because it was 80's night and it would have been such a fun one. loved seeing my coworkers come in with their 80s outfits. a few of them are children of the 80's. one has a son who was asking about how kids dressed in the 80's and decided he needed to learn more about it. another little girl said "i think i've been there!" when we told her the theme. obviously this was way more for the staff than the kids, but everyone still had a good time.

sunday was fantastic!! i really enjoyed the message at service. kids city was crazy with babies. (we had 9!!!) all the other classes had kids in double digits, but enough staff. janet (our pastor's wife) was helping in the babies and sent this sweet email to lindsey about how she thought i did good at service coordinator and how i was able to help with the babies, but still check on the other rooms, and stayed calm and kept a good attitude about it all. it was just a blessing to wake up this morning and read that. yet another reason my church family rocks! then i got to have dinner with my best friend from michigan and her fiance. we went shopping to look at bridesmaid dresses. i have it narrowed down to two.

thats pretty much my week in a nutshell. still consumed by reading a&p and human relations. hoping i will be able to find time to start my for fun book again.

Monday, September 3, 2012

labor day fun

we had quite the labor day. (although now is really windy and stormy, so i'm kinda freaking out) we had most of my mom's side of the family down here, and it was great to see them all. my cousin alison is preggo, and i got to see her little baby bump today! she's due in december (i think, jason wasn't clear if it was the end or beginning of the month) they are going to have a girl, and i'm so excited for them! her older sister is serving as a missionary in honduras, and was able to skype in today. so fun to get to see her, even if it's in the computer screen. then their baby sister (i can't really call her a baby anymore) is doing some fund raising for her school's prom (oh the joys of being a jr in high school) so mom got some KU pasta and a magazine subscription for my three year old niece, and dad got more of the KU pasta. needless to say, i'm super stoked to get KU and jayhawk shaped pasta! my cousin michael brought his photo album from his recent trip to south africa. i really enjoyed looking at that. he also stayed a bit longer than everyone else, and him, my brother, and me just sat around the table talking. it was nice since we never really have the opportunity to do it. his sister was able to come up from columbia (a good three hours) after she got off of work. it was great to see everyone. both my mom's sisters and their husbands were here also. about half the  cousin siblings were gone though.

we did the typical grillig burgers and hot dogs. i made deviled eggs like always, along with some puppy chow and pumpkin spice latte. mom made this jell-o challenge, and ironically her and both of her sisters made the exact same jell-o cake! (white cake with raspberry jell-o and cool whip on top) but marjorie also brought a legit jell-o mold. we had great food, and obviously plenty of cake haha. mom and i bought some little ice cream cups for dessert, and they have been so bad for me today...i've had way more than i should. we were going to have a croquet tournament, but decided not to. mom said it was too hot haha.

i had a pretty busy weekend. friday dad and i went to the journey, pat benatar, and loverboy concert. we missed loverboy, which i was okay with cuz i can't think of anything from them. but i had a BLAST seeing pat benatar and journey. it was windy and wet, but a great time. then saturday we went to KU's first football game. it was a pretty good game. we won the game, but it was a bit too stressful. but a win is a win, and i had a blast out there. so much of my childhood was spent going to lawrence for football games. i can't remember a year that i haven't gone, and i'm am so grateful for that. sadly it's the only game i'm able to make it to this month. can't wait to make it to some more in october.

sorry this is long with no pictures. i had restored my phone tonight, and all my pictures got lost. off to watch ABC Nightline to watch Jefferson Bethke. awesome mad of God. go check him out!