Saturday, October 31, 2015

discovering who i am

friday night my friend michelle and i went to em chamas to watch game 3 of the world series. sadly, our kansas city royals couldn't pull out a win that night, but so glad they got the w saturday night! one more win and we are the champions! cue the queen song

michelle and i had some good conversation in between innings, and she made the comment that she appreciates that i am finding my own identity and figuring out who i am, and i am not relying on her to tell me what my identity is. it got me thinking about how true that statement has been lately. i used to be that person who relied on those around me to provide my identity to me. it has taken a lot of growth and lots of struggles and tears as i continue to figure out who i really am. when i relied on others, I was lost when something drastic happened. getting my own apartment and leaving platte city has really helped me in this process, it has helped me truly learn to rely on myself to survive and not to hide behind my parents or brothers. there are still parts where i struggle with this, and i know it will be a struggle until i figure out how to stop comparing myself with friends and other people and be content and confident in who i am, who God has created me to be. last week at church, pastor bil had even made a list of some of the person God has created me to be.

- a child of God (1 john 3:1-3)
- fearfully and wonderfully made (psalm 139:13-16)
- created on purpose, for a purpose (jeremiah 1:5)
- a masterpiece (eph 2:10)
- intended for good works (phil 1:6)
- powerful (eph 1:19-20)
- an ambassador of hope (2 cor 5:18-21)
- a soldier in God's army (eph 6:10-19)
- an overcomer (rom 8:31-37)
- victorious! ( 1 john 4:4)

the bold ones are ones i really need daily reminders of. like everyone else, i wonder what my purpose is. i wonder if God will ever actually show that to me. 2 tim 1:7 says "God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline." how do i crack into that power get rid of this timidity? how do i begin to not hide behind these written words but instead be able to speak my words with a confidence and spirit that comes from God? 

these are some of the things i am trying to figure out as i continue to find my true identity. i am thankful for friends who help me discover the answers to these questions. friends like michelle, christina, felicia, my small group, my parents, different friends from church - sara, hilary, kathy. i am so thankful for the women God has put in my life to help me when i fall and help me discover who i am on my own. they help me and are willing to call me out when i need it.