Wednesday, December 31, 2014

time for transition

i can't believe it's new years eve already! this year has seemed to fly by, and brought a lot of change and growth with it. at the start of the year, i decided to have a word i was going to focus on this year. the word was content. i'll be honest, i struggled with that a lot still. but i feel like it helped me this year as well. yes, there were still times i let my circumstances get the better of me, but i tried to be aware of when that happened and change my mindset as quickly as possible. and i feel like that has helped me as i end this year with transition. 

in november, i finally finished classes. in may, i will be walking at graduation with an associates degree for pharmacy technician. i passed my certification test in november as well, and am currently in the process of looking for a new job at a hospital in the kansas city area. i love my people at cvs, but i am ready for something new. 

i also recently got approved for an apartment in the northland, so january 17 i will be moving out of my parents house, finally. i told my mom this was going to be a good birthday present. we have talked a lot recently about how i just need to finally take this step and move out. this is a spacious apartment for a pretty reasonable price in the area, so i took the step and applied. i can't wait to take this next step and move out. i am a little anxious about it, and i have a lot to do in just over 2 weeks. 

i just got back from a family trip to california. my aunt and uncle live north of the bay, and my brother and his family live on the south side. i loved getting to see all of them again. i loved playing tourist around san fransisco. i was super excited when we got to see the full house house. we visited stanford's campus and then later got to have a private tour of  cal's campus, where my uncle works. my favorite part was the views from golden gate and just getting to spend time with the family. i was able to cross a few more things off my bucket list. still have a lot of international traveling on there i want to do. 

this year, i also started going to a saturday night church along with my sunday morning church. i started going there over the summer, when i was being scheduled on sunday mornings a lot. it is a great option, and i have really enjoyed going there. now that i'm not in classes any more, i am hoping i can start doing more there and getting more connected. the people i have met there have been so sweet and generous. i can't wait to see what 2015 has in store for desperation. 

it's crazy to think tomorrow is a new year. in 8 days i turn 25, and i've already been going through a quarter life crisis. i haven't taken time to sit down and set my goals for my 25th year of life, or to focus on what i am going to work on for the year. I guess i have 8 days to figure it out. 

i hope everyone has a safe night and has had a great 2014. 

Sunday, December 21, 2014

christmas joy and stress

yesterday, i finally got to see the kansas city ballet's performance of the nutcracker. merry christmas and happy birthday to me.

 it has been on my list forever, and my friend said he would go with me. i was beyond excited for it, and it was well worth the money. growing up i always asked my parents if i could do dance, but i played soccer and by the time i came around we were only allowed one activity at a time. soccer won for me. my cousins danced and i loved when I got to go to iowa and watch them with my grandparents. i still wish i could do like an adult beginners class somewhere, but i still just don't have the time for it. 

after the performance, brandon gave me a present. (i am never good at buying christmas presents, so i took the easy route and made him cookies) he remembered i said a lot of my bucket list is traveling around the world, so he was super sweet and got me a passport cover, and now i just need to finally get a passport and start traveling. 

the holidays are always stressful for me. i am better at getting people presents through out the year, but there is so much emphasis on getting gifts for people during this time. then i feel bad when people get me sweet gifts, but i have nothing to give them. thankfully my friends and family are awesome and are  okay with gifts whenever. this year it's been harder for me since i will actually get to see my niece and nephew, but i haven't been able to get them anything to open when we are out there. and that's the part that is mostly stressing me out. sadly, at 5 and 3, i am not sure how well they understand the importance of being with family more than getting gifts. 

for now, i will continue to try and not let it get to me, and hopefully i can just buy them a gift they want while i am out there. not getting to see them often doesn't make any of this any easier for me. 

so holidays stress anyone else out as much as they do for me? 

Sunday, October 26, 2014

coffee date? sure!

let's have a coffee date. just to catch up. it's been a while since i've been on here. i've been busy with school (which thank goodness is almost over!) and work has been short handed, so i've been getting busier there more again. but let's take some time, grab coffee, and just chat.

1. i've been apartment and job searching. i found a place in liberty that i REALLY liked, but mom pointed out moving to liberty just to drive back every day would be a bad idea. i applied to a job at liberty hospital, and am working to set up a phone interview there. i'm excited and nervous about that. i like my job, but it's been so stressful lately, and i'm just getting burnt out on it. the stress and having people get mad at us for things that aren't our fault. i think i'm just ready for some new scenery. plus, i'm not anywhere in life where i thought i would be by now, and in some aspects i feel like a failure for that. it's been really hard on me lately. i even had a little melt down about it this afternoon

2. my heart has been conflicted for a while now. in all sorts of aspects. i've been wondering for a bit now if i'm at the right church for me, or if i'm even in the right small group. (sadly, i'm feeling this one is more of a "no you're not") i've been thinking and praying for a while about getting rebaptized, but i feel like i need to see more what is said about it.

3. i've been trying to get back into working out consistently and eating better, but it's been so hard for me lately. i do personal training with a girl from church, and she kicks my butt good every time we work out, but life has been getting in the way lately, and it's been a while since we've been able to get together. (if you are in the northland area and want a good trainer, i definitely recommend both of these girls) and with school and work, i feel like i don't have time at home to work out because i'm reading and doing homework more often. it's been a big struggle and i NEED to make it a bigger priority than it is at now. my pharmacist told me of a youtube channel called fitness blender, so i'm gonna have to try that out also.

4. i've been having "tattoo-fever" really bad recently. it's been about two and a half years since i got my last one, and i'm so ready for a new one, just don't have the money for it. i'll just have to live without a new one for now.

5. i'm so proud of the royals. this has been a great experience while in the playoffs. kansas city is a proud town to begin with, and seeing the city painted in royal blue is amazing! the guys seem to be having a great time while playing as well. i'm so excited for the game tonight, and can't wait for them to come back to kansas city and win it all!

6. yesterday i got to have another photo session with hilary. it was a blast and i'm so excited to see how they turn out! plus, she got to do a session with some distant cousins in the afternoon, and from what i hear, those are going to look amazing also. i always feel so awesome and confident when i spend time with her. she's a great friend and a super talented photographer. i'm so glad to have her as my friend and so thankful that she's willing to help me when i have photography questions.

well that's about all i got for this coffee date. i'm so glad we were able to catch up. what new and exciting things are going on in your life?

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

our relationship is now a hate/hate relationship

not my relationship with anybody, but my relationship with running. i used to at least semi-enjoy running. i may have hated myself as i was actually going on that run, but i liked how it made me feel after. i've never been good at running, but i tried to convince myself if i continued to run, i would eventually learn to love it. it's stayed at a tolerance.

but lately my tolerance for running has gone even lower. now, it's more like a down right hatred, especially when i have to run with other people. i have a horrible habit of comparing myself to other (in every aspect of life lately) and so lately, running has made me feel like a failure. i run with other people, and they are all faster than me and i'm always so much further behind, and i just hate it. and then i just don't want to run at all.

i feel really good about every other aspect of my workouts with sara and crystal, except the running. yeah, my cardio needs improvement. i've known that for a while. but there are so many things i would rather do than run now. i need to find a way to get back to the point where i did more than tolerate running. doe anyone have any ideas or suggestions?

on a side note, today was my last on my hospital internship, which makes me sad. i loved spending time there and it just made me want to work in a hospital even more.
also, i'm signed up to take my technician certification test in mid-november and kinda freaking out already. please pray i don't psych myself out for it and remember everything i have learned in class and work.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014


lately, i have felt very alone.  my best friends live far away, it's been over a year since i've seen either one of them. it makes me cry a lot. thank goodness for phones, instagram, and facebook so we can keep in touch haha.

but the friends i have here i still don't ever see. i don't feel connected to anyone lately, except for one girl i work with. i almost never get to see or talk to my friends from church. i know i'm partly to blame, i don't reach out as often as i probably should. but i feel excluded sometimes and feel like i don't really know anyone anymore. i don't even get to see my brother as often as i would like.

i'm wondering if God is trying to tell me i'm supposed to be somewhere else, or doing something else. i wonder if i'm supposed to change churches, or jobs, or cities. i don't know what to do, and i know the only way to truly figure it out is to pray about it.

sometimes i just need to say things like this and just get it off my chest.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

i'll be on my soap box for a quick minute

these are just my personal opinions. i don't want to start any debates

i'm sure you all have seen the videos going around social media of the #alsicebucketchallenge and possibly the articles and blog posts also going around about how people are choosing to not participate because some organizations use embryonic stem cells in their research.

for those unaware, those are stem cells used from an aborted 8 week old embryo.

i get why people have issues with this. i would rather not see a baby aborted, but that is the mothers choice to make, not mine. and if the mother chooses to do it so that her baby can help advance science and medicine, i think that is a great choice. (this is not me supporting abortions. this is me supporting science)

granted, in retail pharmacy i may not see the outcome of stem cell research right away, but eventually it gets to the general public. it has helped make so many advancements in science and medicine, and has helped to understand different diseases.

it's pretty common knowledge among my family and some of my friends that after i die, i want my body to be donated to science. i don't really understand cremation  or burying a body to just decompose. if i can help people after i die, then that's exactly what i want to do. for a while, i felt like as a christian, i was supposed to be opposed to this research. but i'm not. i work in a field that sees benefits of it, whether i see them personally or not. i like to think that just because a baby didn't get the chance to live doesn't mean they didn't get the chance to make a difference.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

let's grab coffee

life has been super crazy lately and i have been neglecting this little dot on the internet i call my own. but it's not the only thing i've been neglecting. it's been pretty much anything and everything. so that is why i'm inviting you to have a virtual coffee date with me today. (and hopefully i'll have a few real life coffee dates soon as well)

i sure do love some caribou coffee

so, grab your favorite mug, brew your favorite coffee, and lets have some conversation.
this is one of my favorite mugs, the evolution of the jayhawk. the 1912 one is my favorite.

if we were having coffee, first you know you would get a hug and i would ask how your life has been. what fun news do you have? what upcoming plans do you have?

i would tell you i should be done with school by the end of the year! i am so excited and can not wait to be done!! starting in september, i have my clinical internship and just found out today where i will be (truman medical center - hospital hill) and i'm so excited for it. after being in retail pharmacy for a year and a half, i'm excited to see what a hospital is like.

i would also tell you i want to have a job where i can help little kiddos who have cancer. you would already know that i've always had a heart for kiddos, i want a job where i can help them get better.

i would tell you that i've been having doubts lately. doubts about if this is what i'm supposed to be doing and where i'm supposed to be. i mean, i love kansas city and i love my job, but i wonder if i would make a difference somewhere else. (it's also pretty well known how much i wish i could move to texas)

i would tell you that recently i haven't been able to go to sunday morning church, and it has really been messing with me. my dad told me about a saturday night church in liberty called desperation church. that i have been to once, but will be going to more regulary. i would also suggest that you check it out if you were ever in the area.

then, at the end of me dishing everything out, i would ask how you were doing. what's going on in your life? are you dealing with doubts or joys? what are other things we can do together after this coffee date?

so let's grab coffee and chat. =]

Wednesday, June 25, 2014


fun fact about me: i LOVE hugs far more than any handshake. hugs are my favorite!

a hug is a simple, yet powerful, action. it can be a greeting among old friends who haven't seen each other in ages (felicia and christina), or friends you see on a consistent basis. it can be a sign of help and support, a shoulder to cry on. they can be an encouragement and reassurance.

growing up, there was the sweetest old lady at my church. she was like a grandma to everyone. she was and still is one of the strongest women i have known, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. every week i made sure to get my betty bender hug. she hugged with a strength that 1. was surprising to have coming from a sweet little old lady, and 2. let you know everything was going to be okay. it like set the tone for my whole week. when i got baptized, her and her husband gave me this wind chime that i still keep in my room. (i freaked out on a friend when she was helping me clean my room and asked if she could get rid of it)

then i started going to restore. it took a while for me to find a "replacement" for my betty bender hugs. (although, let'e be honest, there's no replacement for special hugs like that) but i found my weekly hugs from dale. he is a great, godly man. i met him because he and his wife are in the same small group as my parents. his hugs were a different kind of reassurance. his hugs were a bit softer, but still strong. they let me know i had a friend i could talk to. but now he is in new mexico for a new job.

i haven't found a replacement for my weekly dale hugs, but i trust that i will. hugs on a sunday morning can set the tone for a whole week. tonight, i went to small group with my mom, and it was so great to hugs from all the people there. they have all be great friends and role models for me, and are my adopted families when i'm at church alone. i know that they are people i can always count on. (plus the guy i like may or may not be the son of one of these families)

i know i've said before that my favorite part of baptisms is the hugs after the person comes up out of the water. it's where you see so much happiness and being proud of them for taking that public step. 

this one of my all time favorites. my friend nichole was able to be in the water as her dad got baptized. this one still makes me want to cry from happiness. 

my other favorite kinds of hugs, are the ones from my best friends. they are the hugs that last for a few minutes at least, and have all of your strength put in to them. the ones that say "i'm so happy to see you". i haven't had a hug like this in forever, and i can't wait to get one again. 

i am such a fan of hugs. they are such a simple action, yet mean so much. 

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

torn heart

lately i've felt like my heart has been torn between different job/career choices. i'm currently working as a pharmacy technician and going to school to get an associates degree for it. but lately i have toyed with the idea of nursing. it's always been my plan b, and i've been wondering if i need to make it my plan a. i've thought about the idea of nursing before, it's just always been in the back of my mind. but when i actually look at what is required, i wonder if i'm cut out for it. i wonder if i'm truly capable of doing all of this without being a miserable failure.

a while ago, my church had announced they wanted to start a campus in platte city. i've thought this was a great idea (although i'll have to figure out my sunday starbucks routine) and i'm super excited for it to actually happen. right now, we are waiting for someone to step up as pastor before it can go any further. but i have thought about applying for the kids' city director whenever we get to that point. i talked with my current kids' city director about it today, and she was so encouraging for it. (actually about both of these choices) the steps to take for now would be find someone for me to apprentice as service coordinator, and i would become like an intern for lindsey. 

i've been in conflict for a while now about these choices. i have a heart for kiddo's, and think i could do good at kids' city director. i know it would be a lot of work, but i think if i had the awesome leadership of lindsey, erica, and erica, the current kids' city directors for our 3 campuses, i could do it.  and i love being able to help people, and i feel like if i don't let doubt creep in, i could do the work and get through it. i have friends going to nursing school, and i see how hard they work, but they all say it's worth it. 

i know i still need to have conversations with other people, and definitely with God before i make any decisions. prayers and conversations are very welcome!

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

happy jackie robinson day!

as all of you may or may not know, i love  baseball. easily my favorite sport to watch. it's such a fun game, it's a game i understand, and it's a great excuse to spend time with friends and family in the sunny, humid, kansas city summer weather. although somehow, until yesterday, i never realized that april 15 was jackie robinson day, since april 15, 1947 was his debut in the major leagues with the brooklyn dodgers. where have i been?! so being the cheese-ball person that i am, i'm currently watching 42, which is a great movie anyways. i feel like there's not really a lot i can say about jackie robinson that hasn't already been said.

1945 kc monarchs team. guess which one is jackie 

a lot of my summer memories take place at kauffman stadium, watching the kansas city royals play ball. i always get excited to even think about baseball games. even at small group on sunday, some of us girls were talking about how we should make a small group trip to some baseballs games, even catch a buck night or two (and get fat off of hotdogs for a buck each)
finally got a holland jersey thanks to my daddy. and no personalizing fee!

kc also has a triple a team, the t-bones. those games are a blast because they are smaller, so you can sit closer to the action. they have a field behind outfield where you can sit and the little kids can run around.

well, i hope you all continue to have a great jackie robinson day!

Thursday, April 10, 2014

fearfully and wonderfully made

so there is this great organization out there called wonderfullymade and they have a great mission of helping young and teenage women find and know their value in God. i actually found out about them a few years ago when i got a follower request on twitter. i have really enjoyed following them over the years, whether on facebook, instagram, twitter, or their website and blog.

so about a week or so ago on instagram they started this "campaign" with the tag #wonderfullymadeshe and they are asking women to share their favorite "selfie" and tell what it means to be fearfully and wonderfully made. looking through the pictures of other women and seeing what they had to say is such an encouragement. i decided tonight to do it myself. and i can expand on it a bit here.

my original description says, "Being Fearfully and Wonderfully Made means who cares how weird and awkward I am, embrace it, because God made me that way, and He doesn't make mistakes. It's means ignoring social standards and being myself. It's encouraging others while staying confident in who I am in God. #wonderfullymadeshe@madewonderfully"

in case it wasn't obvious already, i'm extremely socially awkward, i laugh when people would think it's inappropriate, i forget to have a filter at times and make people uncomfortable with my conversation. i've always been this way and it just seems to get worse as i get older. i'm an introvert at heart, which i am pretty sure is where all of this stems from. i get really uncomfortable around new people so the awkwardness just comes out even more. plus, i'm not good at small talk, which leads to even more awkwardness with me. it's great! but i love being awkward. it's who i am. i learned a long time ago to embrace it, and i just view it now as a great quirk of mine, rather than something that holds me back.

the ignoring social standards is hard to do in america, because they are every where. but i try really hard to ignore what media views as pretty, and focus on what God says is beautiful. my friends had a baby shower sunday, and they asked that instead of cards, we bring a favorite childhood book and a note for baby. well, my favorite childhood book is you are special by max lucado. i knew i had to get it for baby. i tried really hard to think of what type of note do i write to go along with this book, and i couldn't think of anything. the book has a great message about not caring what those around you think, but caring about what your maker thinks of you. even now, as a 24 year old female, i still read that book fairly regularly (like every few months) and remind myself.

encouraging people comes easy to me. i like being able to help people reach their goals, even if it's just a little note of encouragement here and there. i find great joy in it. not because i may get a "thank you" when they reach their goal, but just to see them reach it, and knowing the whole time they were able to. but i still need my own encouragers. my best friend felicia is one of those encouragers. whenever i am down, she is always there to lift me back up. she helps me see myself through God's eyes when i have forgotten how. i know i can go to her for anything and everything, and thankfully she knows she can do the same with me. i have no idea where i would be if she wasn't around to encourage me.

so that is more of what being fearfully and wonderfully made means to me. what does it mean to you?

Saturday, March 29, 2014

dear daddy

if you've known me for any amount of time, you know i am a huge daddy's girl. he's my hero, and today is his birthday!!! (in case you didn't know, i am also a huge lover of celebrating birthdays)

so where do i begin when talking about my dad? he's shown me what love is, not just to my family and to "easy" people, but also to those "difficult" people who all have in our lives. he's given me high standards for what i want in a man. he's a great leader, he's shared with me his love for God, of music, sports, and everything KU. he encourages me to go after my dreams, no matter what, and to always make myself a better person. we can have talks that go from dave my dad, to dave the health care professional (which can be awkward at times). he's taught me to have an open, and to help those in need. i enjoy when we get to talk medicine, and my mom says it's like listening to another language.

my daddy values family. he always made sure to come to every soccer game, basketball game, track meet, band concert, choir concert, and play that i was in or helped with.
us before sr prom

along with my "adopted" sister christina

he even got to "hand" me my diploma at graduation

he took care of his little 1 month old granddaughter (who is almost 5!)

and even would get on the floor and play with her.

he still visits his parents pretty regularly

and has deep conversations with his grandson. 

he's still a big kid at heart in my mind. 

he even spent one thanksgiving play risk with us (my first time playing)

he loves these grandkids.

it felt like a lot of my childhood was spent in lawrence at KU games, or at kauffman stadium watching the royals play. and he's still my game day buddy. every now and then we even catch a chiefs game. he even drives to iowa with me so i can run the dam to dam 5k in des moines with my aunt. 

we love us a good royals game

he's shared with us kids his love for music. every week he still gets the opportunity to do what he loves. 
at platte city's lighting ceremony around thanksgiving, playing in a little brass group

basically, i just have the best dad i could ever ask for. i'm so thankful that he's my dad. 

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

never leave me alone with my thoughts

so quite possibly one of the worst parts about watching someone else's animals is the complete lack of human contact. and remember, this is coming from a introvert who thoroughly enjoys time alone most times. my parents friends are out of town, so i'm watching their animals. it's been a challenge already at times, but we are halfway through. 

but here is something about me most people don't seem to know...i absolutely hate being alone when it's not my choice. plus, most of the time i feel like i don't really fit in, which i'm sure is somehow also related to the low self esteem i actually have. so all of this combined is a VERY bad thing. 

so i wind up spending a good chunk of my animal watching time alone, in someone else's house, basically hating my life, which leads to crying, which I also hate doing. i try talking to people, to see if anyone wants to even just get dinner as an excuse to leave, but most people are either busy or too far away. 

on another note, i'm thinking i need to let go of some "friendships". not sure of a good way to do that besides just deleting them from everything. 

basically, I could just really use some prayers for some strength and not letting my thoughts get to me. 

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

resting and trying to not indulge

so, if any one knows me, you know i don't know how to truly rest. i always feel like i need to be busy. or i go to the extreme opposite and veg out. both aren't ideal. so today is my first day off during the week that i've had in a while. it's also a final for my class tonight. so what am i doing with my day today? spending a good chunk of it in the kitchen, and working on my puzzle after this. my puzzle is kicking my butt. whoever made me think a puzzle of starry night was a good idea is cray cray (that person was me.)

so my friend mary over at giving up on perfect shared a recipe on facebook for pizza poppers. they looked delicious, so i felt the need to make them. super tasty. i'm trying my hardest to have self control and not shove them all in my face at once. then last night mom had mentioned needing raisins for the snack she was making for small group tonight, and i had mentioned how i wanted to bake cinnamon oatmeal raisin cookies. so i looked online and found a recipe and have those in the oven right now. they smell so yummy and i can't wait to devour those as well. it really refreshes my spirit to be in the kitchen and making food for myself and for my family/friends. it just makes me so happy and relaxed.

food is a weakness of mine. it has been my entire life so far, and i'm sure it will be until the day i day. when i'm stressed, i eat. when i'm bored, i eat. when i'm happy, i share food with friends. when i'm in need of fellowship, i have lunch or coffee with friends. it's as if more often than not, i don't listen to if my body is full or hungry, i just eat. i started a new devo last night called made to crave: 21 day challenge. the first day kinda hit me hard. not in a judgmental, how-could-you-be-like-this-? kind of way. but more in the you're-not-alone, i-know-what-you're-going-through kind of way. i've wanted to read the book for a while, and still want to. but i'm excited to see where this devo takes me, and see if it can help me overcome this fight with food. i know it's not going to be an over night thing, and hopefully 21 days is a good start for this. if anyone wants to go on this journey with me, i would love the company. i will try to keep this updated with how it goes.

now the real question. run or work on my puzzle?

Thursday, January 23, 2014

remember to pray

lately i've been struggling in my relationship with God.  like, a lot. and it's been heavy on my heart, but i haven't figured out exactly how to get back on track. my church has been reading through the gospels in 30 days. i should be finished with day 18 tonight. instead i still need to start day 13 (which i can't guarantee will even happen tonight). i can't tell you the last time i've said a genuine, not five-second-in-the-moment prayer. i haven't even been consistent with journaling, either on here or on paper.  

the series we are going through at church is called making room for life. so far the topics have been making room for God, making room for people, and making room for mission. i guess i didn't realize how big of a struggle this has been for me until this series. i knew i wasn't the best at making time for God. but it hasn't been eating at me until recently. i try to be better at making room for people, which is hard since i'm an introvert. making room for mission has always been a hard one, partly because i'm not totally sure how to do it. (i feel like none of that made sense)

so recently i asked some of my friends if they have ever forgotten how to pray, or just at a point where you don't know what to say. thankfully, they let me know i was not alone in this struggle. some told me things they do at those points in life. one mentioned that those times are when they need God/prayer the most, and they just start talking to God again. another friend said "i believe that no one forgets how, that's how the enemy wins is when we think we forget. praying is simply bringing your requests to God and being in conversation/communion with Him...telling Him what's on our hearts is praying"

so this is my plan. 
1. pick up the gospel reading plan from where i'm at, and just restart from there. not be discouraged that i'm basically a week behind everyone at church.
2. start writing out my prayers again. just go until i feel like i'm done. don't limit myself
3. set a reminder in the evening to double check that i've done these things for that day. 

any other suggestions? do you struggle with this as well?

Friday, January 10, 2014


so i have seen a lot of people choosing a word for the year. i've never been into resolution making, and as i was having coffee with a sweet friend (by the way, she's got a great blog) on wednesday, a good start to my birthday, i decided my word for 2014, and my 24th year of life, will be....contentment. i've had lots of ups and downs with my life, and really who hasn't?

so for the next 363 days (posting late, like always haha), i will choose contentment. i will work at not comparing myself to others.  i know life will get in the way sometimes. i know there will still be ups and downs. i will think about philippians 4.11, where paul talks about being "content in whatever circumstances".  when life gets busy, or i get overwhelmed, i will continue to remember phil 4.6, and give it all to God.

it's already been hard, and it's only been a few days. it's a good things each day is a new start. it's a great thing that God gives many second chances, no matter how many times i screw up.

let 2014 be a year of contentment.

Saturday, January 4, 2014

see ya later 2013

well, it's 4 days into the new year, and i am just now getting to reviewing 2013 and setting goals for 2014. if you know me personally, you know i don't do new years resolutions, and basically don't even do goals either. i love the idea of a fresh start, and with my birthday so close to the new year, i basically get a week before my next "clean slate".

so 2013 felt like a whirl wind of a year. i started a new job, which i still love even though it overwhelms me at times, and i learned working 2 jobs and going to school will physically make me sick. (thankful for doctors and otc solutions) i got to see my best friend again, and even got to stand with her as she got married. my friends had babies that i got to love on and cuddle. i learned other friends are expecting new bundles of joy soon. i got to run three 5ks again. i took a big jump and led a small group at church. took another big jump with my friend, and decided to sponsor a girl from columbia through compassion. i made my first "adult purchase" with the help of my mom.

but i also missed camp for the first time in i don't even know how long, which was really hard for me. one friend learned her baby girl has spinal muscular atrophy, and doesn't know how long they will get to spend with her. i had to take a step back and not lead small group anymore. i hurt my ankle again and had to stop running for a while.

so what does 2014 hold in store for me? i'm hoping no injuries this year, and i can continue working on my health. i am planning on a few 5ks this year, not totally sure on a final number yet. i have a goal weight in mind, which will require losing close to 40 pounds. i will invest more time in friends, but not let school or work be pushed to the back burner. i will set reminders to be more consistent with my Bible reading. i will try to be more consistent on here, and have a plan for it, not just random posts.

i have no idea if 2014 will be a better year for me than 2013. i will find that out in 361 days. but for now, i will live in the moment and work towards making myself better.