can you blame me for being distracted?
like most people, i try to have a word and a few goals that i focus on for the year. it only started a few years back, but it's been a good thing to do and focus on a few things to improve on at a time. this year, i couldn't pick just one word, i had two that seem to be important this year.
if you know me, you know i have a crazy hard time saying no to things, and always wind up spreading myself way thin. that is my current situation right now, next day off is feb 13. i am usually always willing to pick up extra shifts, whether it be an evening shift inpatient, or an extra weekend shift at the other job. it isn't until long after that i realize it was a bad mistake and i regret it. i spend so much focus and energy on work that everything else falls to the back burner. i need to not be as willing to say yes to work, and more willing to spend that time developing deeper, more real relationships with my friends and family instead.
i need to keep an extra careful eye on my schedule, i need to block out time for God, for myself, and for my friends. i need to learn how to say "no" and not feel bad about it when i have no excuse. i need to make myself a priority.
2. save money to move
even though i just resigned my lease, i keep wondering to kansas city is where i am meant to be. part of my heart is in texas, part of my heart is in georgia, and a lot of my heart is in kansas city. kansas city is the only place i know as a home, i suffer from wanderlust, and i am wondering if taking the plunge and moving halfway across the country is the right move. i have a year to pray about it, think about it, and save up. i have looked at the process for getting registered with the board of pharmacy in a few states, looked at a few hospitals i could potentially work at, looked at apartment prices. can't wait for an update on this one.
3. don't be stupid
i have spent many nights over the years talking with felicia and christina about this one. i have a bad habit of comparing myself to people, especially those dear best friends of mine. most of my friends are married, and when i compare i feel like i'm missing out on something, even though i know in my head that i am not. when that happens, my dumb brain starts to get too eager in looking for a boyfriend. and inevitably i wind up getting hurt over something that shouldn't bother me at all. felicia put it a great way, "it's good to be eager but shift that into other areas of you life. like with God. that's how i'm dealing with delighting myself in the Lord. it's so hard to not keep myself busy in other areas of my life but i have to refocus it on Him." it was definitely a slap in the face that i needed. as my friend would say, it was one of those 2x4 moments. this year i will try to not compare myself, but that's way easier said than done, and i will work on focusing my attention on God rather than guys. i need to be cautious. i need to be patient.
an additional goal is to possibly go back to school this summer and start pre-reqs for pharmacy school.