Sunday, November 8, 2015

leading a double-life

at church, we have been going through a book called the story. it's the major stories of the Bible in chronological order. today the preacher talked about how the Israelites got ready for the battle of Jericho. he talked about how God bypassed the previous generation because of their disobedience, how the new generation had to turn 100% to God and show it by all the men getting circumcised before they went to fight Jericho. he mentioned that God is always for us and always calling us to Him, we need to make sure we don't make Him bypass us because of our disobedience and not answering Him. 

it got me feeling like i have not been fully committed to God in all aspects of my life. i feel like i don't shine the light of God when i am at work. i let things make me angry when it is so small in the grand scheme of things. i am not the best steward of my time or money lately. i compare myself to others and get jealous of what they have instead of appreciating what i do have. i haven't been regular in my Bible reading or prayer life.

i keep knowing that i need to work on these issues, i keep acknowledging that i have been leading a "double-life". i play christian on sundays, with certain people and places, but i feel like i play world during the week at work or with other people. 

i can't keep saying i need to work on it.  i am fully aware of that. i need to talk with someone and become more accountable for these actions. i need to make a daily checklist and keep a list of the things God has given me, rather than focus on what my friends have. i need to block out time in my schedule for Bible reading and prayer life. i need to treat it like any other appointment until it is a regular part of my daily routine. i need help truly becoming who God made me to be, but for that to happen i need to be fully, 100% committed to God. i need to be aware of my actions and thoughts. i will need help with this. i will need people checking with me to make sure i am keeping up. i will need people to be aware enough to call me out, which means i will need to spend enough time and open up with people so they can see it. 

i am asking for help. i am asking for my friends near and far to support me, call me out, whatever it takes to keep me accountable. please help me. 

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