dear daddy

if you've known me for any amount of time, you know i am a huge daddy's girl. he's my hero, and today is his birthday!!! (in case you didn't know, i am also a huge lover of celebrating birthdays)

so where do i begin when talking about my dad? he's shown me what love is, not just to my family and to "easy" people, but also to those "difficult" people who all have in our lives. he's given me high standards for what i want in a man. he's a great leader, he's shared with me his love for God, of music, sports, and everything KU. he encourages me to go after my dreams, no matter what, and to always make myself a better person. we can have talks that go from dave my dad, to dave the health care professional (which can be awkward at times). he's taught me to have an open, and to help those in need. i enjoy when we get to talk medicine, and my mom says it's like listening to another language.

my daddy values family. he always made sure to come to every soccer game, basketball game, track meet, band concert, choir concert, and play that i was in or helped with.

us before sr prom

along with my "adopted" sister christina

he even got to "hand" me my diploma at graduation

he took care of his little 1 month old granddaughter (who is almost 5!)

and even would get on the floor and play with her.

he still visits his parents pretty regularly

and has deep conversations with his grandson. 

he's still a big kid at heart in my mind. 

he even spent one thanksgiving play risk with us (my first time playing)

he loves these grandkids.

it felt like a lot of my childhood was spent in lawrence at KU games, or at kauffman stadium watching the royals play. and he's still my game day buddy. every now and then we even catch a chiefs game. he even drives to iowa with me so i can run the dam to dam 5k in des moines with my aunt. 

we love us a good royals game

he's shared with us kids his love for music. every week he still gets the opportunity to do what he loves. 

at platte city's lighting ceremony around thanksgiving, playing in a little brass group

basically, i just have the best dad i could ever ask for. i'm so thankful that he's my dad. 

never leave me alone with my thoughts

so quite possibly one of the worst parts about watching someone else's animals is the complete lack of human contact. and remember, this is coming from a introvert who thoroughly enjoys time alone most times. my parents friends are out of town, so i'm watching their animals. it's been a challenge already at times, but we are halfway through. 

but here is something about me most people don't seem to know...i absolutely hate being alone when it's not my choice. plus, most of the time i feel like i don't really fit in, which i'm sure is somehow also related to the low self esteem i actually have. so all of this combined is a VERY bad thing. 

so i wind up spending a good chunk of my animal watching time alone, in someone else's house, basically hating my life, which leads to crying, which I also hate doing. i try talking to people, to see if anyone wants to even just get dinner as an excuse to leave, but most people are either busy or too far away. 

on another note, i'm thinking i need to let go of some "friendships". not sure of a good way to do that besides just deleting them from everything. 

basically, I could just really use some prayers for some strength and not letting my thoughts get to me. 

resting and trying to not indulge

so, if any one knows me, you know i don't know how to truly rest. i always feel like i need to be busy. or i go to the extreme opposite and veg out. both aren't ideal. so today is my first day off during the week that i've had in a while. it's also a final for my class tonight. so what am i doing with my day today? spending a good chunk of it in the kitchen, and working on my puzzle after this. my puzzle is kicking my butt. whoever made me think a puzzle of starry night was a good idea is cray cray (that person was me.)

so my friend mary over at giving up on perfect shared a recipe on facebook for pizza poppers. they looked delicious, so i felt the need to make them. super tasty. i'm trying my hardest to have self control and not shove them all in my face at once. then last night mom had mentioned needing raisins for the snack she was making for small group tonight, and i had mentioned how i wanted to bake cinnamon oatmeal raisin cookies. so i looked online and found a recipe and have those in the oven right now. they smell so yummy and i can't wait to devour those as well. it really refreshes my spirit to be in the kitchen and making food for myself and for my family/friends. it just makes me so happy and relaxed.

food is a weakness of mine. it has been my entire life so far, and i'm sure it will be until the day i day. when i'm stressed, i eat. when i'm bored, i eat. when i'm happy, i share food with friends. when i'm in need of fellowship, i have lunch or coffee with friends. it's as if more often than not, i don't listen to if my body is full or hungry, i just eat. i started a new devo last night called made to crave: 21 day challenge. the first day kinda hit me hard. not in a judgmental, how-could-you-be-like-this-? kind of way. but more in the you're-not-alone, i-know-what-you're-going-through kind of way. i've wanted to read the book for a while, and still want to. but i'm excited to see where this devo takes me, and see if it can help me overcome this fight with food. i know it's not going to be an over night thing, and hopefully 21 days is a good start for this. if anyone wants to go on this journey with me, i would love the company. i will try to keep this updated with how it goes.

now the real question. run or work on my puzzle?

remember to pray

lately i've been struggling in my relationship with God.  like, a lot. and it's been heavy on my heart, but i haven't figured out exactly how to get back on track. my church has been reading through the gospels in 30 days. i should be finished with day 18 tonight. instead i still need to start day 13 (which i can't guarantee will even happen tonight). i can't tell you the last time i've said a genuine, not five-second-in-the-moment prayer. i haven't even been consistent with journaling, either on here or on paper.  

the series we are going through at church is called making room for life. so far the topics have been making room for God, making room for people, and making room for mission. i guess i didn't realize how big of a struggle this has been for me until this series. i knew i wasn't the best at making time for God. but it hasn't been eating at me until recently. i try to be better at making room for people, which is hard since i'm an introvert. making room for mission has always been a hard one, partly because i'm not totally sure how to do it. (i feel like none of that made sense)

so recently i asked some of my friends if they have ever forgotten how to pray, or just at a point where you don't know what to say. thankfully, they let me know i was not alone in this struggle. some told me things they do at those points in life. one mentioned that those times are when they need God/prayer the most, and they just start talking to God again. another friend said "i believe that no one forgets how, that's how the enemy wins is when we think we forget. praying is simply bringing your requests to God and being in conversation/communion with Him...telling Him what's on our hearts is praying"

so this is my plan. 

1. pick up the gospel reading plan from where i'm at, and just restart from there. not be discouraged that i'm basically a week behind everyone at church.

2. start writing out my prayers again. just go until i feel like i'm done. don't limit myself

3. set a reminder in the evening to double check that i've done these things for that day. 

any other suggestions? do you struggle with this as well?

2014:contentment

so i have seen a lot of people choosing a word for the year. i've never been into resolution making, and as i was having coffee with a sweet friend (by the way, she's got a great blog) on wednesday, a good start to my birthday, i decided my word for 2014, and my 24th year of life, will be....contentment. i've had lots of ups and downs with my life, and really who hasn't?

so for the next 363 days (posting late, like always haha), i will choose contentment. i will work at not comparing myself to others.  i know life will get in the way sometimes. i know there will still be ups and downs. i will think about philippians 4.11, where paul talks about being "content in whatever circumstances".  when life gets busy, or i get overwhelmed, i will continue to remember phil 4.6, and give it all to God.

it's already been hard, and it's only been a few days. it's a good things each day is a new start. it's a great thing that God gives many second chances, no matter how many times i screw up.

let 2014 be a year of contentment.