discouraged.

i feel like i've been having one of those days, except it's been going off and on for i don't even know how long. i feel like more often than not lately i've been in this weird mood where i don't feel connected to anyone. i've always felt kind of like i didn't belong in my family, and i think i know some of those underlying issues, but that's a different story. if you follow me on instagram you have possibly seen my note about how i don't feel like i know anything about my brothers.

and having my best friends far away doesn't help me at all. i have friends here, but i usually only get to see them once a week at small group, or twice at church if i'm lucky, or not at all.

i'm also feeling overwhelmed, with practically everything. i can barely stay on top of my homework for school. i haven't even been able to read anything for small group on thursday, which is a problem since i'm the leader. my hours at work have been up and down, and this is an up week, which is good, except i have less time to try to get stuff done. this mary kay and photography is seeming a flop so far.

basically this has all led to me being extremely discouraged and i don't know what to do. aside from writing things (which at times makes me feel like a coward) i don't know how to express these things/feelings to anyone. i've been crying a lot more lately than i feel like i normally do. it's a really annoying part of my personality that so many times i have wished i could change, but i know i can't.

and i have been praying about it, and would really appreciate more prayers. and sorry if this sounded like a pity party, that is never my intention.