truth

lately, i have felt very alone.  my best friends live far away, it's been over a year since i've seen either one of them. it makes me cry a lot. thank goodness for phones, instagram, and facebook so we can keep in touch haha.

but the friends i have here i still don't ever see. i don't feel connected to anyone lately, except for one girl i work with. i almost never get to see or talk to my friends from church. i know i'm partly to blame, i don't reach out as often as i probably should. but i feel excluded sometimes and feel like i don't really know anyone anymore. i don't even get to see my brother as often as i would like.

i'm wondering if God is trying to tell me i'm supposed to be somewhere else, or doing something else. i wonder if i'm supposed to change churches, or jobs, or cities. i don't know what to do, and i know the only way to truly figure it out is to pray about it.

sometimes i just need to say things like this and just get it off my chest.

i'll be on my soap box for a quick minute

these are just my personal opinions. i don't want to start any debates


i'm sure you all have seen the videos going around social media of the #alsicebucketchallenge and possibly the articles and blog posts also going around about how people are choosing to not participate because some organizations use embryonic stem cells in their research.

for those unaware, those are stem cells used from an aborted 8 week old embryo.

i get why people have issues with this. i would rather not see a baby aborted, but that is the mothers choice to make, not mine. and if the mother chooses to do it so that her baby can help advance science and medicine, i think that is a great choice. (this is not me supporting abortions. this is me supporting science)

granted, in retail pharmacy i may not see the outcome of stem cell research right away, but eventually it gets to the general public. it has helped make so many advancements in science and medicine, and has helped to understand different diseases.

it's pretty common knowledge among my family and some of my friends that after i die, i want my body to be donated to science. i don't really understand cremation  or burying a body to just decompose. if i can help people after i die, then that's exactly what i want to do. for a while, i felt like as a christian, i was supposed to be opposed to this research. but i'm not. i work in a field that sees benefits of it, whether i see them personally or not. i like to think that just because a baby didn't get the chance to live doesn't mean they didn't get the chance to make a difference.

let's grab coffee

life has been super crazy lately and i have been neglecting this little dot on the internet i call my own. but it's not the only thing i've been neglecting. it's been pretty much anything and everything. so that is why i'm inviting you to have a virtual coffee date with me today. (and hopefully i'll have a few real life coffee dates soon as well)

i sure do love some caribou coffee

so, grab your favorite mug, brew your favorite coffee, and lets have some conversation.

this is one of my favorite mugs, the evolution of the jayhawk. the 1912 one is my favorite.

if we were having coffee, first you know you would get a hug and i would ask how your life has been. what fun news do you have? what upcoming plans do you have?

i would tell you i should be done with school by the end of the year! i am so excited and can not wait to be done!! starting in september, i have my clinical internship and just found out today where i will be (truman medical center - hospital hill) and i'm so excited for it. after being in retail pharmacy for a year and a half, i'm excited to see what a hospital is like.

i would also tell you i want to have a job where i can help little kiddos who have cancer. you would already know that i've always had a heart for kiddos, i want a job where i can help them get better.

i would tell you that i've been having doubts lately. doubts about if this is what i'm supposed to be doing and where i'm supposed to be. i mean, i love kansas city and i love my job, but i wonder if i would make a difference somewhere else. (it's also pretty well known how much i wish i could move to texas)

i would tell you that recently i haven't been able to go to sunday morning church, and it has really been messing with me. my dad told me about a saturday night church in liberty called desperation church. that i have been to once, but will be going to more regulary. i would also suggest that you check it out if you were ever in the area.

then, at the end of me dishing everything out, i would ask how you were doing. what's going on in your life? are you dealing with doubts or joys? what are other things we can do together after this coffee date?

so let's grab coffee and chat. =]

hugs

fun fact about me: i LOVE hugs far more than any handshake. hugs are my favorite!

a hug is a simple, yet powerful, action. it can be a greeting among old friends who haven't seen each other in ages (felicia and christina), or friends you see on a consistent basis. it can be a sign of help and support, a shoulder to cry on. they can be an encouragement and reassurance.

growing up, there was the sweetest old lady at my church. she was like a grandma to everyone. she was and still is one of the strongest women i have known, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. every week i made sure to get my betty bender hug. she hugged with a strength that 1. was surprising to have coming from a sweet little old lady, and 2. let you know everything was going to be okay. it like set the tone for my whole week. when i got baptized, her and her husband gave me this wind chime that i still keep in my room. (i freaked out on a friend when she was helping me clean my room and asked if she could get rid of it)

then i started going to restore. it took a while for me to find a "replacement" for my betty bender hugs. (although, let'e be honest, there's no replacement for special hugs like that) but i found my weekly hugs from dale. he is a great, godly man. i met him because he and his wife are in the same small group as my parents. his hugs were a different kind of reassurance. his hugs were a bit softer, but still strong. they let me know i had a friend i could talk to. but now he is in new mexico for a new job.

i haven't found a replacement for my weekly dale hugs, but i trust that i will. hugs on a sunday morning can set the tone for a whole week. tonight, i went to small group with my mom, and it was so great to hugs from all the people there. they have all be great friends and role models for me, and are my adopted families when i'm at church alone. i know that they are people i can always count on. (plus the guy i like may or may not be the son of one of these families)

i know i've said before that my favorite part of baptisms is the hugs after the person comes up out of the water. it's where you see so much happiness and being proud of them for taking that public step. 

this one of my all time favorites. my friend nichole was able to be in the water as her dad got baptized. this one still makes me want to cry from happiness. 

my other favorite kinds of hugs, are the ones from my best friends. they are the hugs that last for a few minutes at least, and have all of your strength put in to them. the ones that say "i'm so happy to see you". i haven't had a hug like this in forever, and i can't wait to get one again. 

i am such a fan of hugs. they are such a simple action, yet mean so much. 

torn heart

lately i've felt like my heart has been torn between different job/career choices. i'm currently working as a pharmacy technician and going to school to get an associates degree for it. but lately i have toyed with the idea of nursing. it's always been my plan b, and i've been wondering if i need to make it my plan a. i've thought about the idea of nursing before, it's just always been in the back of my mind. but when i actually look at what is required, i wonder if i'm cut out for it. i wonder if i'm truly capable of doing all of this without being a miserable failure.

a while ago, my church had announced they wanted to start a campus in platte city. i've thought this was a great idea (although i'll have to figure out my sunday starbucks routine) and i'm super excited for it to actually happen. right now, we are waiting for someone to step up as pastor before it can go any further. but i have thought about applying for the kids' city director whenever we get to that point. i talked with my current kids' city director about it today, and she was so encouraging for it. (actually about both of these choices) the steps to take for now would be find someone for me to apprentice as service coordinator, and i would become like an intern for lindsey. 

i've been in conflict for a while now about these choices. i have a heart for kiddo's, and think i could do good at kids' city director. i know it would be a lot of work, but i think if i had the awesome leadership of lindsey, erica, and erica, the current kids' city directors for our 3 campuses, i could do it.  and i love being able to help people, and i feel like if i don't let doubt creep in, i could do the work and get through it. i have friends going to nursing school, and i see how hard they work, but they all say it's worth it. 

i know i still need to have conversations with other people, and definitely with God before i make any decisions. prayers and conversations are very welcome!