coffee date? sure!

let's have a coffee date. just to catch up. it's been a while since i've been on here. i've been busy with school (which thank goodness is almost over!) and work has been short handed, so i've been getting busier there more again. but let's take some time, grab coffee, and just chat.

1. i've been apartment and job searching. i found a place in liberty that i REALLY liked, but mom pointed out moving to liberty just to drive back every day would be a bad idea. i applied to a job at liberty hospital, and am working to set up a phone interview there. i'm excited and nervous about that. i like my job, but it's been so stressful lately, and i'm just getting burnt out on it. the stress and having people get mad at us for things that aren't our fault. i think i'm just ready for some new scenery. plus, i'm not anywhere in life where i thought i would be by now, and in some aspects i feel like a failure for that. it's been really hard on me lately. i even had a little melt down about it this afternoon

2. my heart has been conflicted for a while now. in all sorts of aspects. i've been wondering for a bit now if i'm at the right church for me, or if i'm even in the right small group. (sadly, i'm feeling this one is more of a "no you're not") i've been thinking and praying for a while about getting rebaptized, but i feel like i need to see more what is said about it.

3. i've been trying to get back into working out consistently and eating better, but it's been so hard for me lately. i do personal training with a girl from church, and she kicks my butt good every time we work out, but life has been getting in the way lately, and it's been a while since we've been able to get together. (if you are in the northland area and want a good trainer, i definitely recommend both of these girls) and with school and work, i feel like i don't have time at home to work out because i'm reading and doing homework more often. it's been a big struggle and i NEED to make it a bigger priority than it is at now. my pharmacist told me of a youtube channel called fitness blender, so i'm gonna have to try that out also.

4. i've been having "tattoo-fever" really bad recently. it's been about two and a half years since i got my last one, and i'm so ready for a new one, just don't have the money for it. i'll just have to live without a new one for now.

5. i'm so proud of the royals. this has been a great experience while in the playoffs. kansas city is a proud town to begin with, and seeing the city painted in royal blue is amazing! the guys seem to be having a great time while playing as well. i'm so excited for the game tonight, and can't wait for them to come back to kansas city and win it all!

6. yesterday i got to have another photo session with hilary. it was a blast and i'm so excited to see how they turn out! plus, she got to do a session with some distant cousins in the afternoon, and from what i hear, those are going to look amazing also. i always feel so awesome and confident when i spend time with her. she's a great friend and a super talented photographer. i'm so glad to have her as my friend and so thankful that she's willing to help me when i have photography questions.

well that's about all i got for this coffee date. i'm so glad we were able to catch up. what new and exciting things are going on in your life?

our relationship is now a hate/hate relationship

not my relationship with anybody, but my relationship with running. i used to at least semi-enjoy running. i may have hated myself as i was actually going on that run, but i liked how it made me feel after. i've never been good at running, but i tried to convince myself if i continued to run, i would eventually learn to love it. it's stayed at a tolerance.

but lately my tolerance for running has gone even lower. now, it's more like a down right hatred, especially when i have to run with other people. i have a horrible habit of comparing myself to other (in every aspect of life lately) and so lately, running has made me feel like a failure. i run with other people, and they are all faster than me and i'm always so much further behind, and i just hate it. and then i just don't want to run at all.

i feel really good about every other aspect of my workouts with sara and crystal, except the running. yeah, my cardio needs improvement. i've known that for a while. but there are so many things i would rather do than run now. i need to find a way to get back to the point where i did more than tolerate running. doe anyone have any ideas or suggestions?

on a side note, today was my last on my hospital internship, which makes me sad. i loved spending time there and it just made me want to work in a hospital even more.
also, i'm signed up to take my technician certification test in mid-november and kinda freaking out already. please pray i don't psych myself out for it and remember everything i have learned in class and work.

truth

lately, i have felt very alone.  my best friends live far away, it's been over a year since i've seen either one of them. it makes me cry a lot. thank goodness for phones, instagram, and facebook so we can keep in touch haha.

but the friends i have here i still don't ever see. i don't feel connected to anyone lately, except for one girl i work with. i almost never get to see or talk to my friends from church. i know i'm partly to blame, i don't reach out as often as i probably should. but i feel excluded sometimes and feel like i don't really know anyone anymore. i don't even get to see my brother as often as i would like.

i'm wondering if God is trying to tell me i'm supposed to be somewhere else, or doing something else. i wonder if i'm supposed to change churches, or jobs, or cities. i don't know what to do, and i know the only way to truly figure it out is to pray about it.

sometimes i just need to say things like this and just get it off my chest.

i'll be on my soap box for a quick minute

these are just my personal opinions. i don't want to start any debates


i'm sure you all have seen the videos going around social media of the #alsicebucketchallenge and possibly the articles and blog posts also going around about how people are choosing to not participate because some organizations use embryonic stem cells in their research.

for those unaware, those are stem cells used from an aborted 8 week old embryo.

i get why people have issues with this. i would rather not see a baby aborted, but that is the mothers choice to make, not mine. and if the mother chooses to do it so that her baby can help advance science and medicine, i think that is a great choice. (this is not me supporting abortions. this is me supporting science)

granted, in retail pharmacy i may not see the outcome of stem cell research right away, but eventually it gets to the general public. it has helped make so many advancements in science and medicine, and has helped to understand different diseases.

it's pretty common knowledge among my family and some of my friends that after i die, i want my body to be donated to science. i don't really understand cremation  or burying a body to just decompose. if i can help people after i die, then that's exactly what i want to do. for a while, i felt like as a christian, i was supposed to be opposed to this research. but i'm not. i work in a field that sees benefits of it, whether i see them personally or not. i like to think that just because a baby didn't get the chance to live doesn't mean they didn't get the chance to make a difference.

let's grab coffee

life has been super crazy lately and i have been neglecting this little dot on the internet i call my own. but it's not the only thing i've been neglecting. it's been pretty much anything and everything. so that is why i'm inviting you to have a virtual coffee date with me today. (and hopefully i'll have a few real life coffee dates soon as well)

i sure do love some caribou coffee

so, grab your favorite mug, brew your favorite coffee, and lets have some conversation.

this is one of my favorite mugs, the evolution of the jayhawk. the 1912 one is my favorite.

if we were having coffee, first you know you would get a hug and i would ask how your life has been. what fun news do you have? what upcoming plans do you have?

i would tell you i should be done with school by the end of the year! i am so excited and can not wait to be done!! starting in september, i have my clinical internship and just found out today where i will be (truman medical center - hospital hill) and i'm so excited for it. after being in retail pharmacy for a year and a half, i'm excited to see what a hospital is like.

i would also tell you i want to have a job where i can help little kiddos who have cancer. you would already know that i've always had a heart for kiddos, i want a job where i can help them get better.

i would tell you that i've been having doubts lately. doubts about if this is what i'm supposed to be doing and where i'm supposed to be. i mean, i love kansas city and i love my job, but i wonder if i would make a difference somewhere else. (it's also pretty well known how much i wish i could move to texas)

i would tell you that recently i haven't been able to go to sunday morning church, and it has really been messing with me. my dad told me about a saturday night church in liberty called desperation church. that i have been to once, but will be going to more regulary. i would also suggest that you check it out if you were ever in the area.

then, at the end of me dishing everything out, i would ask how you were doing. what's going on in your life? are you dealing with doubts or joys? what are other things we can do together after this coffee date?

so let's grab coffee and chat. =]