resting and trying to not indulge

so, if any one knows me, you know i don't know how to truly rest. i always feel like i need to be busy. or i go to the extreme opposite and veg out. both aren't ideal. so today is my first day off during the week that i've had in a while. it's also a final for my class tonight. so what am i doing with my day today? spending a good chunk of it in the kitchen, and working on my puzzle after this. my puzzle is kicking my butt. whoever made me think a puzzle of starry night was a good idea is cray cray (that person was me.)

so my friend mary over at giving up on perfect shared a recipe on facebook for pizza poppers. they looked delicious, so i felt the need to make them. super tasty. i'm trying my hardest to have self control and not shove them all in my face at once. then last night mom had mentioned needing raisins for the snack she was making for small group tonight, and i had mentioned how i wanted to bake cinnamon oatmeal raisin cookies. so i looked online and found a recipe and have those in the oven right now. they smell so yummy and i can't wait to devour those as well. it really refreshes my spirit to be in the kitchen and making food for myself and for my family/friends. it just makes me so happy and relaxed.

food is a weakness of mine. it has been my entire life so far, and i'm sure it will be until the day i day. when i'm stressed, i eat. when i'm bored, i eat. when i'm happy, i share food with friends. when i'm in need of fellowship, i have lunch or coffee with friends. it's as if more often than not, i don't listen to if my body is full or hungry, i just eat. i started a new devo last night called made to crave: 21 day challenge. the first day kinda hit me hard. not in a judgmental, how-could-you-be-like-this-? kind of way. but more in the you're-not-alone, i-know-what-you're-going-through kind of way. i've wanted to read the book for a while, and still want to. but i'm excited to see where this devo takes me, and see if it can help me overcome this fight with food. i know it's not going to be an over night thing, and hopefully 21 days is a good start for this. if anyone wants to go on this journey with me, i would love the company. i will try to keep this updated with how it goes.

now the real question. run or work on my puzzle?

remember to pray

lately i've been struggling in my relationship with God.  like, a lot. and it's been heavy on my heart, but i haven't figured out exactly how to get back on track. my church has been reading through the gospels in 30 days. i should be finished with day 18 tonight. instead i still need to start day 13 (which i can't guarantee will even happen tonight). i can't tell you the last time i've said a genuine, not five-second-in-the-moment prayer. i haven't even been consistent with journaling, either on here or on paper.  

the series we are going through at church is called making room for life. so far the topics have been making room for God, making room for people, and making room for mission. i guess i didn't realize how big of a struggle this has been for me until this series. i knew i wasn't the best at making time for God. but it hasn't been eating at me until recently. i try to be better at making room for people, which is hard since i'm an introvert. making room for mission has always been a hard one, partly because i'm not totally sure how to do it. (i feel like none of that made sense)

so recently i asked some of my friends if they have ever forgotten how to pray, or just at a point where you don't know what to say. thankfully, they let me know i was not alone in this struggle. some told me things they do at those points in life. one mentioned that those times are when they need God/prayer the most, and they just start talking to God again. another friend said "i believe that no one forgets how, that's how the enemy wins is when we think we forget. praying is simply bringing your requests to God and being in conversation/communion with Him...telling Him what's on our hearts is praying"

so this is my plan. 

1. pick up the gospel reading plan from where i'm at, and just restart from there. not be discouraged that i'm basically a week behind everyone at church.

2. start writing out my prayers again. just go until i feel like i'm done. don't limit myself

3. set a reminder in the evening to double check that i've done these things for that day. 

any other suggestions? do you struggle with this as well?

2014:contentment

so i have seen a lot of people choosing a word for the year. i've never been into resolution making, and as i was having coffee with a sweet friend (by the way, she's got a great blog) on wednesday, a good start to my birthday, i decided my word for 2014, and my 24th year of life, will be....contentment. i've had lots of ups and downs with my life, and really who hasn't?

so for the next 363 days (posting late, like always haha), i will choose contentment. i will work at not comparing myself to others.  i know life will get in the way sometimes. i know there will still be ups and downs. i will think about philippians 4.11, where paul talks about being "content in whatever circumstances".  when life gets busy, or i get overwhelmed, i will continue to remember phil 4.6, and give it all to God.

it's already been hard, and it's only been a few days. it's a good things each day is a new start. it's a great thing that God gives many second chances, no matter how many times i screw up.

let 2014 be a year of contentment.

see ya later 2013

well, it's 4 days into the new year, and i am just now getting to reviewing 2013 and setting goals for 2014. if you know me personally, you know i don't do new years resolutions, and basically don't even do goals either. i love the idea of a fresh start, and with my birthday so close to the new year, i basically get a week before my next "clean slate".

so 2013 felt like a whirl wind of a year. i started a new job, which i still love even though it overwhelms me at times, and i learned working 2 jobs and going to school will physically make me sick. (thankful for doctors and otc solutions) i got to see my best friend again, and even got to stand with her as she got married. my friends had babies that i got to love on and cuddle. i learned other friends are expecting new bundles of joy soon. i got to run three 5ks again. i took a big jump and led a small group at church. took another big jump with my friend, and decided to sponsor a girl from columbia through compassion. i made my first "adult purchase" with the help of my mom.

but i also missed camp for the first time in i don't even know how long, which was really hard for me. one friend learned her baby girl has spinal muscular atrophy, and doesn't know how long they will get to spend with her. i had to take a step back and not lead small group anymore. i hurt my ankle again and had to stop running for a while.

so what does 2014 hold in store for me? i'm hoping no injuries this year, and i can continue working on my health. i am planning on a few 5ks this year, not totally sure on a final number yet. i have a goal weight in mind, which will require losing close to 40 pounds. i will invest more time in friends, but not let school or work be pushed to the back burner. i will set reminders to be more consistent with my Bible reading. i will try to be more consistent on here, and have a plan for it, not just random posts.

i have no idea if 2014 will be a better year for me than 2013. i will find that out in 361 days. but for now, i will live in the moment and work towards making myself better.

thankful. days 1-5

rather than writing a daily post of what i'm thankful for, i will be doing it each week instead. if you follow me on instagram, then you'll see the daily posts. here i'll just expand on them a bit. so here's the recap from days 1-5

day 1. traveling. i had the joy of going to texas this weekend. i love traveling and flying and i'm thankful when i get the opportunity to. i got to see my house/hometown during take off (a perk of living close to the airport) and i love getting to see the land and cities from the air. seeing the cities at night is amazing. as much as i wish i had the money and time to travel more often, i'm thankful that i still get the opportunity to every now and then.

day 2. seeing family. thankfully we got to see my brother and his family before they left texas. ethan went home, and the kristen and the kids went to see her family. it was great to spend time with them, even if it was a short while. i love these people and wish i got to spend more time with them. it was so much fun spending time with them, and it just made the whole trip worth it. (my niece was pretty excited to tell grandpa she was 4 years old now. and my nephew just went around austin introducing himself to everyone) i can't wait til the next time i get to see these people.

day 3. these great red cups. every sunday i get coffee. this sunday i wasn't able to get it before church (this starbucks was very well hidden) but my sweet daddy made sure we found it after church. the rest of sunday was spent in san antonio, remembering the alamo and going on the river walk they have down town. also, who isn't super stoked that the red cups are out now! 

day 4. compassion international. for those of you who don't know, about a month ago my friend and i decided to make the commitment to sponsor a little girl in columbia through compassion. this is our girl, helen sharit santiago ortega. i am thankful for the work compassion does. my church raised money to build two churches in columbia. one in cartagena, one in cucuta. compassion works through the local church to help children get out of poverty and learn about Christ. i'm so thankful that grace and i decided to join them in helping not just helen, but all of the kids in cartagena and throughout the world. i hope one day we get the chance to go to columbia and meet helen. 

day 5. all my mugs. this may sound like a silly one, but i love my mugs. they all have a special meaning to me. one of the mugs pictured here was a birthday gift from my friend, and i love it. she's one of my best friends, and i love the fact that she buys me mugs haha. pretty much every mug is my favorite, for different reasons. it's one of those times i'm thankful for conspicuous consumption and my mugs.