see ya later 2013

well, it's 4 days into the new year, and i am just now getting to reviewing 2013 and setting goals for 2014. if you know me personally, you know i don't do new years resolutions, and basically don't even do goals either. i love the idea of a fresh start, and with my birthday so close to the new year, i basically get a week before my next "clean slate".

so 2013 felt like a whirl wind of a year. i started a new job, which i still love even though it overwhelms me at times, and i learned working 2 jobs and going to school will physically make me sick. (thankful for doctors and otc solutions) i got to see my best friend again, and even got to stand with her as she got married. my friends had babies that i got to love on and cuddle. i learned other friends are expecting new bundles of joy soon. i got to run three 5ks again. i took a big jump and led a small group at church. took another big jump with my friend, and decided to sponsor a girl from columbia through compassion. i made my first "adult purchase" with the help of my mom.

but i also missed camp for the first time in i don't even know how long, which was really hard for me. one friend learned her baby girl has spinal muscular atrophy, and doesn't know how long they will get to spend with her. i had to take a step back and not lead small group anymore. i hurt my ankle again and had to stop running for a while.

so what does 2014 hold in store for me? i'm hoping no injuries this year, and i can continue working on my health. i am planning on a few 5ks this year, not totally sure on a final number yet. i have a goal weight in mind, which will require losing close to 40 pounds. i will invest more time in friends, but not let school or work be pushed to the back burner. i will set reminders to be more consistent with my Bible reading. i will try to be more consistent on here, and have a plan for it, not just random posts.

i have no idea if 2014 will be a better year for me than 2013. i will find that out in 361 days. but for now, i will live in the moment and work towards making myself better.

thankful. days 1-5

rather than writing a daily post of what i'm thankful for, i will be doing it each week instead. if you follow me on instagram, then you'll see the daily posts. here i'll just expand on them a bit. so here's the recap from days 1-5

day 1. traveling. i had the joy of going to texas this weekend. i love traveling and flying and i'm thankful when i get the opportunity to. i got to see my house/hometown during take off (a perk of living close to the airport) and i love getting to see the land and cities from the air. seeing the cities at night is amazing. as much as i wish i had the money and time to travel more often, i'm thankful that i still get the opportunity to every now and then.

day 2. seeing family. thankfully we got to see my brother and his family before they left texas. ethan went home, and the kristen and the kids went to see her family. it was great to spend time with them, even if it was a short while. i love these people and wish i got to spend more time with them. it was so much fun spending time with them, and it just made the whole trip worth it. (my niece was pretty excited to tell grandpa she was 4 years old now. and my nephew just went around austin introducing himself to everyone) i can't wait til the next time i get to see these people.

day 3. these great red cups. every sunday i get coffee. this sunday i wasn't able to get it before church (this starbucks was very well hidden) but my sweet daddy made sure we found it after church. the rest of sunday was spent in san antonio, remembering the alamo and going on the river walk they have down town. also, who isn't super stoked that the red cups are out now! 

day 4. compassion international. for those of you who don't know, about a month ago my friend and i decided to make the commitment to sponsor a little girl in columbia through compassion. this is our girl, helen sharit santiago ortega. i am thankful for the work compassion does. my church raised money to build two churches in columbia. one in cartagena, one in cucuta. compassion works through the local church to help children get out of poverty and learn about Christ. i'm so thankful that grace and i decided to join them in helping not just helen, but all of the kids in cartagena and throughout the world. i hope one day we get the chance to go to columbia and meet helen. 

day 5. all my mugs. this may sound like a silly one, but i love my mugs. they all have a special meaning to me. one of the mugs pictured here was a birthday gift from my friend, and i love it. she's one of my best friends, and i love the fact that she buys me mugs haha. pretty much every mug is my favorite, for different reasons. it's one of those times i'm thankful for conspicuous consumption and my mugs. 

stupid brain

so i have this really bad habit of letting things eat at me, no matter how hard i try. and they eat at me for a long time. and it usually seems to be stupid things, and i don't know how to stop it. like lately i feel like i'm failing at some many different aspects and relationships at life, and i think a part of this has to do with my crazy schedule and the crazy schedule of other people. but i feel stupid and it eats at me when i try to talk to people, and they seem to stay silent. and then i let it eat and eat at me, and i feel like it's somehow my fault, even though i know i haven't done anything. i also hate when plans for hanging out fall through and i don't get to see my friends in so long. (i'm soooo looking forward to friday and hanging out with a friend i haven't hung out with in months) and i think maybe part of my problem is i get my hopes up for it, and then when it falls through i get disappointed and then tell myself i shouldn't get such high hopes, but it continues happening all the time.

for example...last week i had a really good coffee date with someone (at least on my side it was a really good one. i'm hoping he thought the same thing) we talked a bit more during the week, not much because he has a busy schedule. i excitedly told some friends about it, and they were happy for me (i don't go on dates often) and we were planning to hang out last night. then it fell through. (lucky hilary was having a thirty one party, so i was able to go to that instead.) i bought us tickets to the chiefs v chargers game, and i'm hoping nothing bad happens to this between now and then.

i mostly bring this up because it's hard for me to make good friends any more, and sometimes i feel like it's because i've become pickier about who i let into my life (which i feel is not totally a bad thing) but i also feel like maybe i'm too picky, and that i'm also too hard on myself. i need to figure out how to be not like this. sorry for the rambling

frustrations

lately i've been thinking about my life. i have felt extremely stuck lately, and I don't know how to get unstuck.  it's kind of been a mixture of things, like that fact i haven't been able to move out of my parent's house, i have lived in the same town my whole life, despite my desire to leave. i know people say i am hard on myself, but it's mostly i'm discouraged and wonder when my life will start. i am so ready to be done with school and want so badly to leave missouri. i want to be able to do something meaningful with my life, but right now i feel like it's the same thing every day and that it's all meaningless. i feel like i have been in the same place my whole life, which feels like a few years too long. i am ready to move on with my life, in basically all aspects. i want to move to a new town, i want to find someone to share my life with, i want to be done with school and really start my career. recently, i have even been feeling stuck in my helping at church. i was talking with a friend the other day and mentioned the only time lately i feel even slightly content with my life is when i am behind my camera. i am tired of feeling this way, and am trying to find a way to get out of this rut. sorry if i sound like a broken record in all of this. i am just ready for my life to start meaning something.

20 facts

holy cow it's been a long time since i've been over here! sorry =[ if anyone cares, my ankle has been doing better. the dr said i can just do pt stuff on my own and check back with her in about 6 weeks. i just really want to be able to run again.

anywho. my friend erin over at sweetnessitself.com posted 20 facts about herself. and i figured why not join in.

1. i love my job but sometimes feel like it's not what i'm meant to do.
2. i would love to start my own photography business as soon as possible. (or work full time as a photographer)
3. my brother is my best male friend
4. a lot of my friends live far away, and it kinda sucks a lot.
5. i want to have lots of land so i can have a few horses.
6. i love my sweet cat. i would love to have another one again to keep her company.
7. one of my favorite places to be in the summer is kauffman stadium.
8. my other favorite summer place is camp.
9. i got baptized in the creek at camp, and it's a great quick story to tell.
10. i tend to always spell recieve wrong, but almost never correct it.
11. i love babysitting my friends kids, but i'm not sure if i want some of my own.
12. i'm a night owl and really hate mornings, especially when i have to use an alarm clock.
13. sunday is usually the only day i wear make up.
14. i get really nervous at the thought of praying out loud or singing in front of people.
15. i'm super awkward around guys i don't know.
16. small talk does not come easily to me. it's actually something i dread, and then i feel like i come off as rude, which makes me feel bad.
17. baseball is my favorite sport to watch, closely followed by football and soccer.
18. i played soccer when i was little, and really miss it at times.
19. i really miss running. i haven't been able to run since june 29 and it's been killing me.
20. it's hard for me to think of 20 random facts about myself. this possibly took longer than it should have haha.